Biden Removes Star From Iran On Good Noodle Board
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After Iran launched a barrage of missiles against Israel on Saturday, President Biden delivered devastating sanctions by removing a star from the Islamic Republic on his Good Noodle Board.
“I warned Iran and anybody else who dares try to attack Israel, ‘don’t’”, the President said. “But sometimes, actions speak louder than words. And since Aluminola Quinoa refused to listen, I’m holding up my promise to deliver the strongest sanctions possible. That’s why I took away a star from Iran on my Good Noodle Board. I hope this makes it crystal clear that the United States will not, I repeat, will not tolerate these kinds of threats. Let this be a lesson to Russia, China, North Korea, and others that when you mess with America, you’ll face the consequences.”
When a reporter asked if she agreed with Biden’s decision and what her thoughts on Iran were, Vice President Kamala Harris said, “I’m glad you went for a run today and are focusing on your physical health, but I don’t see what that has to do with the problems in the Middle East. I was just in Iowa last week and first-hand saw how many young boys and girls don’t have access to proper nutrition or physical exercise. And in Missouri, there are so many families struggling to make ends meet because of President Trump’s sanctions on the middle and lower class. So trust me when I say that solving the problems in the Middle East is at the very top of our list.”
While Biden and Harris seemed utterly confused, Congressional Republicans have been extremely critical of the administration’s move. “President Biden’s response to Iran’s attack on Israel is utterly reprehensible and sends a message to the entire world that they have carte blanche to open fire on America and our allies,” Speaker Johnson said in a press conference. “As my daughter likes to say, Biden doesn’t belong in the White House, he belongs in Super Weenie Hut Jr.’s.”
According to some sources, President Biden is considering further sanctions against Iran for their aggression by threatening to cut Ayatollah Khamenei’s cable for a week, forcing Iranian representatives working at the Iranian Embassy to wear dunce caps in public, and prank calling Iran’s royal palace as Ahmadinejad pretending to have left the stove on.
At press time, Biden was seen frantically trying to find Iran on an old globe left in the Oval Office from the Nixon administration.