8 Things Mamdani Plans To Do on Day One if Elected Mayor
Put a hijab on the Statue of Liberty – Additionally, stock a pile of rocks at the statue’s base so passersby can punish Lady Liberty for being such a slut.
Dedicate the yellow line exclusively for crackheads and homeless people – Like an urban Hunger Games, hopefully they’ll all take each other out, making the city safer for everyone else.
Host monthly Trump effigy burnings in Central Park – No doubt, this will create the inclusive, tolerant, family-friendly atmosphere his peace-loving socialist supporters yearn for.
Rename the Bronx to ‘Illegal Immigrants Landing’ – A snarky middle finger to President Trump.
Crack down on obesity – Millions of New Yorkers will starve when the government starts running grocery stores. The bright side is, New York will be the thinnest and sexiest city in America for a few months before half the population dies.
Permanently crown Ella Emhoff the sexiest woman in the city – Those who question the government’s beauty standards will be sent to jail.
Imprison the cast of SNL, even the gay ones – Their mild-mannered, corporate-washed humor is too extreme and constitutes hate speech.
Dedicate September 11th as ‘19 Heroes Day’ – In remembrance of the al-Qaeda jihadists who sacrificed their lives 24 years ago.