Trump Promises To Help Biden Cabinet Members Transition Back Under The Rocks They Came From

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a meeting with President Biden on Wednesday, Trump stated that he planned to assist with the peaceful transfer of power by helping Biden’s cabinet members find rocks to crawl back under at the end of his term. 

“I promise I’ll do everything I can to take care of your team Joe. We’ve got some really big, beautiful rocks all across the country that will be perfect for your guys,” the President-elect said. 

According to newly appointed Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, the transition team has already begun scouting locations. 

“We’ve found a nice warm rock on the southern border for Alejandro Mayorkas. We’ve got a rock next to sewage runoff in Philadelphia for Rachel Levine. And we’ve even found a damp, slimy rock in the Pacific Northwest for Merrick Garland.”

Despite the generous offer, many of Biden’s team are refusing to accept Trump’s help.

“To say I’m insulted would be an understatement,” Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg said. “Not all of us lived under a rock - some of us lived in the closet for a long time. And guess what Mr. Trump, we don’t need help finding our way back.”

At press time, Trump was seen handing out bottles of lotion to some of Biden’s staff to help soothe their lizard-like skin.