Nation Wondering If We’ll Get New Civil War Uniforms Or Have To Wear Same Blue And Gray Wool Outfits As Last Time

With fears of a civil war breaking out after the election, many Americans are asking an important question: Will we have to wear the same blue and gray wool outfits as the last Civil War, or will we get to wear something more stylish and comfortable?

A new poll released on Monday showed that 72% of Americans would prefer to wear something more aerodynamic, aesthetically appealing, and comfortable while 28% say they wouldn’t mind wearing the same uniforms from the 1860s for that “classic Civil War feel.”

“Personally, I’d like to wear sweatpants, crocs, and my ‘Eat Shit Libtards’ t-shirt.” a Pennysvalnia Trump supporter claimed. “It will look really funny when I’m teabagging dead leftists in the war.”

Military experts, however, claim that stylish war outfits could hinder each side's ability to fight effectively. “We understand many people want to wear leggings or T-shirts, but that poses a significant challenge, not only to branding consistency, but also to their effectiveness in battle. We’ve already spoken to executives at some of the major clothing brands like Nike and Under Amour who are putting together a chic but battle-ready uniform for each side in a hypothetical civil war,” U.S. General Charles Brown told The Gas Lamp.  

Historians, on the other hand, claim that the uniforms will be heavily dependent on how the lines are drawn. “Will it be North versus South again? East versus West? Or will it be like post-war Berlin where blue cities are blockaded by a sea of rural red counties. Each of those factors will determine the pattern of camouflage and style of outfit. Until we know that, there’s only so much we can do to prepare.” 

At press time, Fortnite announced they’d be launching a civil war themed battle map for players to get a feel for how it might go down.