Iran Targets Loose Street Change for “Maximum Damage” Against Israel
TEHRAN, IRAN - As tensions between Iran and Israel escalate, the Islamic Republic announced on Monday a new attack strategy: targeting loose street change in cities across Israel with missiles.
“Nothing is as sacred to the Zionist as a loose shekel lying in the street. Be careful next time you pick up that coin, Malachai,” the Daily Iran Military posted on X.
Iranian military officials claim the strategy will cause “maximum damage,” citing research that a small sidewalk area containing a loose coin attracts the highest concentration of Jews per capita anywhere in the world.
When questioned about the logistics, Ayatollah Khamenei confirmed that Iran has developed a revolutionary missile capable of detecting coin-sized deposits of zinc and nickel alloy from hundreds of miles away.
As part of the plan, Iran also revealed intentions to deploy spies to scatter change throughout Israeli cities, creating pandemonium and luring people to gather for the attack.
At press time, the Ayatollah stated that the operation is on hold pending intelligence reports on weather patterns Netanyahu is allegedly planning for the coming week, which could disrupt the attack.