Daniel Vargas

“I thought those kids were chanting ‘We love hummus’. After I realized they were saying ‘Hamas’, I just stayed hoping there would be humus afterwards. But there was no hummus. There was never going to be any hummus. Last time I try an extracurricular activity.”

Jimmy Garcia

“I thought it was cool how they dropped into Israel like Fortnite. I think I even saw the battle bus too.”

Elaine Chow

“I like their flag. I think green is a really peaceful color.”

Abishek Khan

“I’ve always liked playing as the bad guys in video games - Bowser, Siths, Nazis… So I figured I’d just keep that going.”

Dietrich Müller

“In their defense, Hamas gave those Jews plenty of warning to move out before they tried to take back the land that was rightfully theirs. Sound familiar? Seems like some people don’t know how to listen.” 

Corey Thompson

“A guy on reddit told me to come to some rally, wear all black, and bring a gun. Said he’d meet me there. His name was like, ‘fbi_NOT_420’, or something. Anyway, when I got there I couldn’t find him, and when I tried to message him again it said his account didn’t exist. Weird.”

Brock Johnson

“I’m just here to get some Palestinian puss. Those girls go crazy in bed when they're all riled up. FREE PALESTINE WOOOO.”

Tiffany McMasters

“I dated this Jewish guy once and he took me to this weird smelly fish restaurant on our first date and made me split the check. Prick. So yea, like, team Palisades or whatever.”