LOS ANGELES, CA - As families in Southern California are being forced to flee their homes amidst another deadly wildfire, God is reportedly baffled that the perverted, drug-addicted, money-hoarding residents haven’t gotten his message to cut the crap.

“I just don’t understand,” God ranted to Archangel Michael. “If you keep diddling kids and shooting your faces with plastic, I’m going to keep trying to burn your house down. How much clearer can I be?!”

According to biblical scholars, this kind of heavenly message isn’t unusual. 

“Everyone knows the story of Noah’s arc,” historian Richard Christensen said. “God sent a great flood to wipe out all the sinners of the world. But what most people don’t know is that God had sent dozens of floods in the early 2000s B.C. to stop the acts of homosexuality, incest, and bestiality committed by the ancient Greeks. But apparently, the sexual experiences were so intense that most people simply didn’t notice the fact that their homes were floating away around them until God decided to simply kill them all. It seems that God is pulling an old page from his playbook on this one.”

While God and his angelic council are furious at California’s incessant behavior, Governor Gavin Newsom is unfazed. 

“We’re all praying for the victims of this deadly fire,” Newsome said in a press conference on Wednesday. “But my administration has spent more than 200 million dollars studying these fires and taking proactive measures to stop them from happening. While we haven’t yet figured out how to do that, we know that it can’t possibly have anything to do with the way we live our lives.”

At press time, God was reportedly considering a new tactic to restore some decency in the Golden State by sending his only son, Jesus, down to earth with one instruction - “use your laser eyes to kill every last one of those monsters.”