DALLAS, TX - Last week, millions of AT&T customers were left without cell service for hours when the telecom company experienced a nationwide outage.

“I’d like to start off by profusely apologizing to all of our loyal customers for this unfortunate error,” CEO John Stankey said at a recent press conference. “To make it up to those who were affected, we’re offering one free nude of Milana Vayntrub – who most people know as Lily from our commercials. All folks have to do to redeem their free nude is text ‘Big Boobs’ to 383838.”

Despite drawing heavy criticism from the press and pro-family groups, AT&T Vice President Jim Thompson defended the decision, saying, “We understand that some folks might be offended by this. But according to our research, Lily is the main reason Americans choose AT&T. 72% of AT&T customers think Lily’s phone number automatically gets programmed in their phones when they switch. And for those who don’t want a free nude, we’ll happily offer you five new, rare, never-released emojis.” 

When asked about the deal, Vayntrub seemed surprisingly unfazed that her naked pictures would be sent to millions of Americans. “Yea, it sucks. But it’s been part of my contract for years,” she explained. “In fact, they make me take a new one every year just for something like this. I’m just surprised it’s taken them this long to use them. I’m sure there’s some pervert out there who’s already leaked them on some weird porno site.”

At press time, Stankey announced that as part of AT&T’s way of apologizing, the company would soon offer a sweepstakes where one lucky customer would win a night alone with Vayntrub.